


Off-Kilter

by eggboyksoo



Category: NCT (Band), WayV (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Background Relationships, GAY AWAKENINGS, M/M, Mentions of homophobia, Mild Sexual Content, Renjun’s Got Game
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:49:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23118019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eggboyksoo/pseuds/eggboyksoo
Summary: Yukhei’s life upends itself on a Tuesday afternoon, when he comes home to find his roommate making out with someone on their couch. An identity crisis ensues.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas
Comments: 93
Kudos: 707
Collections: 99' ft 00' fic fest





	Off-Kilter

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt #FT311 of the 99ft00 fic fest.
> 
> First, I’d like to give a big thank you to the mods of this fest, who were kind and accomodating throughout. Thank you so much for running such a great fest!
> 
> I’d also like to thank my beta readers for their feedback and support while I was writing this fic, and to the prompter for such a hilarious idea. I hope that I did your prompt justice, and that you and other readers enjoy!

Yukhei’s life upends itself on a Tuesday afternoon, with no prior warning of what is to come.

His introduction to International Development class is cut short because the documentary illegally uploaded to YouTube his lecturer had planned to show them for the second half of the lecture—on consumerism and the problems caused by fast fashion, which has surprisingly not been taken down—refuses to buffer. The lecturer is bamboozled by these turn of events, even as the IT person she calls in explains that this particular lecture theatre is notorious for struggling to connect to the uni wifi. (The IT person doesn’t mention that the entire university is a dead spot for the uni wifi, but Yukhei supposes that the lecture theatre is the place of interest at the moment.)

Anyways, they tinker around with it some, and Yukhei half dozes, half watches with bated breath, sure they would somehow make it work—the anthropology department are infamous for being good with Microsoft Word and the emailing system, and nothing else—but in the end, he gets released 40 minutes early.

Yukhei strides out of the lecture theatre and towards his apartment like a man on a mission. He’d been working on an essay on health inequalities in a city in South America late the night before, and he still has to make some edits before submission. The extra hour makes the air thrum with possibility, even if the only choice he has to make when he gets home is whether or not he wants to nap before submitting and run the risk of oversleeping and scrambling to get everything done before the 11:55 submission, _or_ if he wants to use the extra hour to get everything done and have 10 hours of blissful, interrupted sleep.

He’s so focused on trying to make that decision that when he stumbles into the door he kind of doesn’t realise what’s going on in front of him for a couple of moments.

What he does see, however, when he blearily blinks his eyes, is his roommate Renjun, pulling a dude with pink hair down on top of him, limbs entangled and getting hot and heavy on their shared couch.

“Oh shit, sorry,” Yukhei tries to say. What comes out is an undignified wheeze, unbecoming of someone who is normally super supportive of relationships and sexytimes in general.

Renjun and his pink-haired friend pull apart with a gasp, heads turning and eyes wide as they take in Yukhei. Yukhei clears his throat and shuts the door.

“Yukhei,” Renjun says, still breathing like he’s run a marathon. “I didn’t know you’d be home yet.”

Yukhei holds up his wrist, where he isn’t wearing a watch. If he guestimates based on the last time he looked at his phone, he would say that he’s home 45 minutes early. 45 minutes is usually a decent amount of time to have a make-out session (on the couch, which is publicly off-limits when the roommate’s home) and have everything back in order.

“Uh, I didn’t know either,” Yukhei says, a bit stupidly, because he did know, didn’t he? “I mean—” Yukhei runs his hand through his hair, ignoring the way Renjun’s friend frowns at him. “I just. Got dismissed early? Technical issue at my lecture.”

“The one in the old biomed building?”

“Yeah.”

“Figures. That building is literally a dead spot for the uni wifi.”

“Right?” Renjun, by virtue of being a medicine student, and privy to all of the new medical buildings on campus, has had only one lecture in the biomed building, and if _he_ knows that, surely Yukhei’s lecturer should know by now, right? “All he had to do was download a YouTube video onto a USB, but I doubt he knew how to do that.”

Renjun flops back onto the couch pillows, and Pinky pulls back, bracing his arm against Renjun’s shoulder momentarily as he sits himself upright. Yukhei notes that for someone who’s fairly lean, the dude has _muscle_ , before he realises that their legs are still entangled and Pinky is still sitting on Renjun’s lap. As Yukhei is reminded of what he’s walked in on, Renjun’s gaze flickers between his roommate and his hook-up and clears his throat, cheeks flushing.

“Jaemin, this is my roommate Yukhei,” Renjun says, casual, like Yukhei isn’t a total cockblock. “Yukhei, this is my friend, Jaemin. He’s a med student, too.”

“Future surgeon,” Jaemin says with a smile.

Neither Renjun nor Jaemin make any move to untangle themselves. Yukhei clears his throat and tries for a smile.

“Future anthropologist,” Yukhei replies, although it’s kind of a lie because all of his professors during office hours keep talking about how while he would be a benefit to their department, being solely an anthropologist wasn’t always a good career choice. “I need to finish an essay.” And stop thinking about the potential that his Very Expensive Internationally Accredited Degree might be useless.

It’s only when Yukhei has his room door locked behind him, tote bag on the floor and taking a few deep breaths does he realise how tense he is.

* * *

The first three things that Yukhei ever learnt about Renjun was his name (“Oh damn, we’re Huang bros! Technically.”), that he was studying med (“Fuuuuuuck.”), and that he was gay.

The gay part comes after Yukhei tours Renjun around his humble abode, the cleanest it’s been since Kun moved out a month ago and into a nice apartment across town with his long-term boyfriend, Ten. Renjun umms and ahhs over the proffered bedroom, commenting on how he likes the natural light and is happy about the gas stove. Yukhei says he’s happy to have Renjun as a roommate, and Renjun’s happy to be his roommate; they shake, and Yukhei sits Renjun down for a basic shakedown of the roommate rules.

Now, Yukhei’s kind of a “be gay, do crimes” kind of guy except that he’s straight, but Kun had done the same thing when he’d first moved here, and honestly, they were kind of the best rules Yukhei’s ever been given. He’d lived with Kun (and Ten too, technically) for a year, and despite catching Ten looking at Kun like he wanted to vore him, they’d always been super respectful about their kinky shit time, usually giving Yukhei a week’s notice so he had time to talk to his friends and find a place to crash for the night. It was usually Mark, though, because unlike Kun and Ten, Dejun and Hendery did not care about scarring their best friend for life. Yukhei prays every day that the image of Hendery’s bare ass be removed from his memory.

“Anyways, keep the frisky stuff for your bedroom, and if you have to be loud and potentially traumatising, send me a text of an eggplant and the cross emoji—like the red cross meaning no, not the Christian one because I _will_ probably assume you have a priest kink—” Renjun chokes at that, but Yukhei continues on, “—and you’ll get the apartment for the night. We both get two eggplant nights a month. Oh, and making out in the living room is fair game, but anything past third base and the use of cleaning products should be kept in the bathrooms. I’m obviously not gonna be shitty about you making out on the couch, though, if you know you’re gonna be home alone.”

Renjun’s whole face is red. “Those are really specific rules.”

“Yeah, but Kun used to say sex boundaries were really important. We have needs but we need to protect our roommates.”

Renjun purses his lips, but he doesn’t say anything. Instead, his gaze flickers to the ground, as he scuffs his feet against the linoleum.

“Everything okay?” Damn, what if Renjun’s not comfortable talking about sex stuff? Yukhei had been the same before he’d arrived at uni. The combination of Kun and Ten being so clinical about it, plus his elective class that featured a module on ancient sex toys which required him not to giggle for the entirety of a lecture, had really changed him.

Yukhei isn’t sure what he’s expecting—a stuttered apology about how he’s just not used to hearing about this stuff talked about so colloquially? That’s what Yukhei had said to Kun—but Renjun lifts his head up, eyes boring into his in a way that freaks Yukhei out a little, because the stare is _intense_ , like staring into his soul almost, and says, “I’m gay.”

Renjun’s jaw tenses as soon as Yukhei blinks and says, “Oh.” It takes him a few more moments to collect himself—seriously, what was with the staredown?—before saying, “Cool?”

Renjun blinks, confused. “Are you—?”

“I mean, I’m not. I’m the token het of my friendship group. Well. One of two,” he says, thinking of Mark. But he sees the tightness of Renjun’s shoulders, and he adds, softly, “I don’t have a problem with it, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Oh.”

Renjun’s stance relaxes, but not his gaze. It’s softer now, but still intense. Yukhei says, “I mean, if I had a problem, I wouldn’t have been able to live here. Kun had a boyfriend, and like. I wouldn’t have friends, because my best friends have been dating since we were all like, fourteen, and _they’re_ dudes—look, what I’m saying is, like. I’m an ally. I got suspended once for punching a homophobe.”

It takes a few more moments before Renjun finally stops _looking_ at him, searching for something that Yukhei’s not sure he’s found. But Renjun closes his eyes briefly and smiles. “I think I’ll like living here,” he says. “Is it too much to ask if I can get a copy of those rules printed?”

* * *

In a move that completely blindsides him, Yukhei does not end up napping as soon as he gets home. Despite changing into his comfiest trackpants and hoodie and splashing his face with water, the adrenaline of walking in on his roommate making out with someone has him buzzing. He still feels tense—and, if he’s being honest with himself, a little nauseous. He tries not to think about it too much, because nausea is akin to feeling sick, or disgust, and he does not _want_ to unpack that now. He doesn’t have the time.

Yukhei takes his laptop out of his tote bag, opening up his essay final draft document. As he settles onto his bed, he hears murmurs from the other side of the door. He reaches for his bag, rummaging for his new AirPods. Now that he’s home, whatever Renjun and Jaemin are up to will probably continue in his room. Even if he’s surprised they’re planning to continue on at this point, it’s his fault for being early, anyway. You gotta do what you gotta do.

The noise-cancelling feature really is something else, because when Yukhei sees Renjun standing at the foot of his bed an hour later, he shrieks, not hearing him come in over his lo-fi playlist. Yukhei catches himself before he throws his laptop halfway across the room, and Renjun raises an eyebrow as Yukhei puts a hand to his chest, like a scandalised socialite.

“Sorry,” Renjun says, not sounding very apologetic. “I knocked. A lot.”

“It’s okay,” Yukhei replies, making a show of taking one of the AirPods out of his ears. “Noise-cancelling, you know?”

Renjun points at the white earbud. “For an aspiring anthropologist, that’s a pretty capitalistic flex.”

”I didn’t say I was perfect.”

“Fair.”

Renjun sits on the edge of Yukhei’s bed, as he’s wont to do sometimes, on nights when he can’t sleep or he just wants to talk and Yukhei’s just chilling in his room. He looks a lot more put together than the last time Yukhei saw him—but despite his neat hair and his smoothed-out collar, Renjun’s lips are still swollen and too-pink. They’re shiny too—is that spit?

“I’m sorry about before.” This time, Renjun _does_ sound truly apologetic, even if he doesn't look embarrassed. “I wouldn’t have been out there if I knew you would be back so early. I probably should’ve just kept it in my room anyway—”

“It’s okay,” Yukhei says, rubbing the back of his neck. “You weren’t in the wrong. I know you would’ve. I should’ve called ahead. I forgot you were free at this time. I just kind of wanted to go nap.” When Renjun raises an eyebrow he adds, “I’m gonna submit my essay first.”

“Is that the one due tonight?”

“Yeah.”

“Huh. I would’ve thought you’d nap first.”

“Me too! I guess I’m more stressed about it than I thought.” Not entirely true; it was a bitch to write, yes, but Yukhei’s pretty confident with this essay.

“I’m not in the mood to cook, so I’m ordering pizza. My shout,” Renjun adds quickly, as Yukhei immediately picks up his phone to open up Venmo. “It’s the least I could do, after today.”

“It wasn’t even—wait,” Yukhei says. “Is Jaemin still here? Dude, I’m not gonna interrupt your date.”

Renjun shakes his head, cheeks flushing pink. “He left about ten minutes ago. It’s just us.”

“Oh.” Something inside Yukhei finally relaxes. “Well, you know my usual. I’ll meet you outside when the pizza gets here? Sorry, I want to hang out but I’m kind of in a really good writing spot—”

Renjun waves his hand. “It’s fine. Just turn your noise-cancelling mode off so I don’t scare the shit out of you again.”

“Third time might kill me.”

“Exactly.”

Renjun looks a little awkward as he waves and shuffles back out of Yukhei’s room. Yukhei waves back, and tells himself he has time to ponder these things later. He’s got an essay to finish, and some bonding time with his roommate ahead.

* * *

The thing is that The Incident, as Yukhei is calling the event in question now, should be easy to laugh off in theory. Renjun and Jaemin wouldn't have been caught if Yukhei hadn't come home so early, and Yukhei didn't see anything below the belt. His best friends hadn't given him the same luxury, and he'd still managed to forgive them. (They'd brought him out for hotpot a few nights later and called him dramatic, but Yukhei truly was Scarred For Life, and it was the least they could do.)

The harder thing for him to forget, however, was the sourness of his reaction. Yukhei tries so desperately put it down to it being a one-off thing, a strange reaction prompted by the horror of what he had seen, and yet—

It's different. Even if he'd caught his best friends fucking, there had been horror and a desire for brain bleach, but this nausea, and this ugly bile rising in his chest? It's intense. It's completely unnecessary. And it's terrifying.

It keeps him up at night, usually unhelpfully on nights when he needs to leave the house at the crack of dawn to get to lectures. And all Yukhei can do is try to figure out _why_ this could be happening, and what’s so different about Renjun and Jaemin making out with each other on their couch that’s different from Kun and Ten sending charged looks to each other in the kitchen while Yukhei was studying at the table, or catching Hendery and Dejun fucking on their own couch.

Even conjuring up the image of his roommate and his classmate on their couch makes his gut churn in a way that's beyond mild grossness, and for the life of him, Yukhei can't figure it out. But as the days pass and Renjun comes back home the next day with marks on his neck with a satisfied smile that only screams ‘I got laid’ _,_ and Yukhei thinks about that first day and the bile rises and rises, he can only come to one solution.

He clearly has a problem with Renjun getting some. And when Jaemin frequents their apartment again, never being caught doing anything frisky but _still_ drawing Yukhei's ire without realising, he realises that he's got a problem with _who_ Renjun's getting some from.

Holy fucking shit. Yukhei's the guy with gay friends who turns out to be a raging homophobe.

* * *

Friday mornings are dedicated to the weekly grocery shop. Despite their aversion to mornings in general, Renjun and Yukhei always leave the house armed with reusable produce and green bags at 9:30 in the morning to make the five-minute walk.

It’s a comfortable window; it’s after the morning rush, when everyone is in a hurry to get the newspaper and a snack before they pop into work, but it’s before lunch. Older shoppers have usually already done their shopping then, by virtue of them rising with the sun, and people their age aren’t seen in the supermarket before 6pm unless they’re out of eggs or milk. They know this because Yukhei is an aspiring social researcher and incredibly good at observation, and he’d insisted—“You’re such a _nerd_ ,” Renjun had said, when Yukhei had suggested it—on trying shopping at different times of the day to figure out what worked best. Joke’s on Renjun, because it had been such a good time to go shopping that they now do their best to schedule their timetables around it.

And despite Yukhei’s realisation that he’s a trash human being, life goes on and Yukhei goes on the shopping trip with Renjun, pretending everything is fine.

Renjun carefully pushes the trolley, eyes flitting across the shelves. Yukhei carries their list, plugging numbers into the calculator app of his phone. Sometimes the necessary items are more expensive than they remember, so their list is constantly evolving, and as Renjun rattles off unit prices and potential recipe ideas for potential substitutes, Yukhei does the calculations and makes the final decision by pulling the objects off the shelves.

They’re a well-oiled machine.

“Cereal, whatever’s cheapest—make sure it’s a family pack,” Yukhei reads, as they move into the next aisle.

Renjun moves towards the shelves, pushing his glasses up his nose. He usually prefers contacts, but always wears his glasses on Fridays. It makes him look softer than usual. There’s something about it that feels sweet, like Yukhei’s being trusted with something special, even if it’s only just glasses. But the realisation turns acrid quickly, like toffee turning into burnt sugar. Should Renjun be trusting him this much if Yukhei’s clearly got a problem with him hooking up with dudes? Would would he do if he—

“… Yukhei?”

“Fuck, sorry, spaced out.” Yukhei clears his throat. “What’s up?”

“I don’t know whether or not to just go Corn Flakes or if we should just get the Milo Cereal. The unit price is a _little_ more for the Milo, but it’s on special—”

“Oh totally. Fuck Corn Flakes.” Truthfully, Yukhei doesn’t mind them, but it’s the way Renjun’s face lights up as he puts the family pack of the chocolate cereal into the trolley that makes it all worthwhile.

They continue down the aisle, getting a few more things, when Yukhei notices an old woman watching them, smiling fondly. When she realises she’s been caught staring, she looks a little sheepish, but she slowly approaches them.

“Yukhei, stop spacing out, you weirdo—oh, hello.” Renjun stops before he turns into the next aisle.

“Hello,” the old woman says. Her eyes twinkle. “I’m sorry to bother you, but I just wanted to say—you make a very good team.”

“Oh.” Renjun’s shoulders begin to lower, and he shuffles his feet, awkward. “Thanks?”

“I was married for 45 years,” the woman continues, “And my husband never liked going grocery shopping with me. He was a good man, and I loved him. But he only ever helped me with the groceries when he was putting them into the car.” She smiles widely and says, “Back in our day, dividing up everything and tackling it was the best way to go, but sometimes I see kids like you, working through things together, and I’d wished there had been more of that when I’d been married.”

There are mean old ladies, and there are kind ones. Yukhei didn’t think he’d be meeting an old lady trying to imply she _isn’t_ homophobic on a Friday morning; but here he is, here they are, and the world really is upside down now, isn’t it?

The tips of Renjun’s ears are red. “I—We’re—”

Yukhei knows exactly what Renjun’s gonna say, but there’s something about the woman’s twinkling eyes, and the burgeoning guilt building up inside him, that makes Yukhei smile back, hoping it looks shy and not forced, and say, “Thank you, it means a lot. We hope you have a good day.”

Yukhei feels Renjun’s gaze snap towards his profile, but Yukhei pays his roommate no mind, watching as the woman smiles and nods her head. “Hold onto each other,” she says, before hobbling away.

“You could’ve just told her that we weren’t dating,” Renjun hisses, once the woman is out of earshot.

“I didn’t want to break her heart,” Yukhei hisses back. “Her eyes were _sparkling_ , Renjun, she was looking at us like we were the future of humanity or something!”

Renjun rolls his eyes. “Compared to her, we literally _are_ the future.”

“Don’t be mean to the nice old lady!”

“I’m not, I just—” Renjun shakes his head, eyes flitting from Yukhei to the ground and back again. “You’re a good guy, Yukhei. I know you’re super chill and there are a lot of people like you, but a lot of guys would’ve been ‘no homo’ at the first opportunity.”

Before The Incident, Yukhei would’ve puffed his chest up and said he’s doing his best not to be a dickhead. Now, though, now that he knows he’s a dickhead anyway, Yukhei just shrugs and tries to change the subject.

“Honestly, I wouldn’t have minded picking her brain a little more. She was clearly reminiscing about her own marriage and the difference in cultural expectations in spouses of the years, and I guess it was pretty interesting to hear how the division of labour was—”

“Okay, you’re rambling again,” Renjun says, but his lips are lifted up in a smile. He pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose and makes his way into the next aisle. His ears are still red, Yukhei notes.

“I just _know_ she would have a lot to say—”

“You say that about literally _everyone_ , Yukhei.”

“It’s true!”

They finish up shopping not too long later, double and triple checking their list and calculations in a corner of the store before checking out and arguing about who should pack.

When Yukhei grabs most of their green bags and offers to carry them home, Renjun laughs, saying, “Very 1950s husband of you. Thanks, Yukhei.”

 _You’re a good guy, Yukhei_ , Renjun had said to him. If only Renjun knew how wrong he is.

* * *

Jaemin, as it turns out, is just the first in a number of boys that begin to frequent their apartment.

At first, Yukhei doesn’t think too much about it—Renjun had mentioned during a judgey marathon of _Grey’s Anatomy_ that there were a lot of people in his cohort were simulatneously competitive but down for a stress fuck. Now that the semester has fully started in earnest, Renjun spends a lot of time at home, leaving the house with his textbook to head to the kitchen for food or tea, clearly too busy to even make plans to get laid.

But a few days before Yukhei’s due to submit his next major essay, having spent the entire day in the library and attempting (unsuccessfully) to scan through books and try to absorb the information through osmosis, he sees Yangyang Liu leave their apartment, swearing under his breath as he tries to slip on his expensive sneakers.

“Hey, Yangyang,” Yukhei says, frowning. He only knows Yangyang through Hendery, who met him in a random elective he’d taken last year. The only thing he really knows about Yangyang is that he’s an engineering student, and that he’s into cars.

He doesn’t know that he knows Renjun.

“Oh! Hey—Yukhei, right?” Yangyang pushes away the hair falling into his eyes. The movement shifts the rumpled collar of his shirt, revealing a pattern of reds and purples blooming on his collarbone.

“Yeah.” Gravel settles into Yukhei’s throat and his stomach _burns._ He can’t help but nod, eyes not leaving the hickeys on Yangyang’s neck. “Study break?”

Yangyang’s eyes widen, eyes flitting between Yukhei and his apartment. “Uh. Something like that.” He takes a step back, and that’s when Yukhei realises his jaw is clenched. “See you around.”

Yukhei doesn’t respond; he just stands in the hallway, trying to take deep breaths and tries to will this ugly _disgust_ that runs through him. If he’d been five minutes earlier—and he could’ve been, if he didn’t stop to use the bathroom, or chat to his sociology major friend, Jungwoo, on his way out—he probably would’ve caught Renjun and his new friend in the act, too. And despite not having to bear witness to anything this time around, it still makes him feel sick, and angry and bothered, and he wants to stop feeling like this. This is _crazy_.

Two minutes after the lift dings and Yangyang’s left, Yukhei feels calm enough to enter the apartment.

Renjun walks out of the bathroom door as soon as Yukhei steps in, running a towel through his hair. When he hears the door close, Renjun grins at Yukhei; Yukhei finds it difficult to summon one of his own.

“Hey there, you’re back early,” Renjun says. “How’d your essay go?”

Yukhei grunts non-committedly.

“Huh. That bad, huh?” Renjun slings the towel over his shoulders. Strands of hair fall into his face, still wet enough to drip down onto his face. “Want some tea? I could go for a cup myself.”

“I didn’t know you knew Yangyang Liu,” Yukhei says.

Renjun stops mid-stride on the way to the kitchen. “I didn’t know you knew Yangyang Liu, either.”

“Hendery thinks he’s cool.”

“Yeah, Hendery wouldn’t be wrong about that.” Renjun, having noticed he’s stopped moving, shakes his head and starts walking.

“Will I be seeing him around a lot more?” Yukhei asks, and even he can tell his tone is off, like _really_ off, so it’s no surprise Renjun turns around with a frown.

“I don’t know,” Renjun says. “Do you have some sort of problem with Yangyang?”

“No,” Yukhei replies, and it’s the truth. It’s not Yangyang that’s bothering him. “I was just wondering if I should… you know. Make myself scarce.”

Renjun’s frown deepens. “Look, Yukhei, I’m sorry that you walked in on me and Jaemin. But if I’m going to bring a guy home, I’m not gonna be an asshole about it. I know the rules.”

Renjun’s right—he hasn’t broken any rules, not really. Yukhei’s just been really bad at coming home when he’s been expected. “Of course,” he says, chastised, and looks down.

“Cool. Just so we’re clear.” Renjun’s voice sounds a little more closed off than it had been, and it makes Yukhei’s gut churn for a different reason.

“Yeah. I’m just gonna… go take a shower, or something.”

“Your tea will get cold.”

“I’m fine, thanks,” Yukhei says, shaking his head, and he ignores the way Renjun stares at him as he turns away.

* * *

For the second year in a row, Donghyuck Lee and Jaehyun Jung host a party aptly titled “The Uni Year Is Starting, Let’s Have Some Fun Before We Lose The Will To Live” at their place the weekend before the first semester starts. Yukhei and all his friends had gone the year before—Mark scored them invites after working the summer with Jaehyun, and Yukhei had extended his to Renjun a few days after he’d officially moved in. He doesn’t remember much of that night, except that he and Yuqi might’ve made out, and that the party had resulted in a hangover that had lasted a week. Donghyuck’s knack for throwing parties had launched him into infamy before he’d even started his undergrad.

Needless to say, when Mark tells them about how Jaehyun’s letting Donghyuck throw the party again (“He says he’s doing it grudgingly, but honestly he gained 10,000 followers after the first party, so I think Jae’s just doing it for clout at this point.”), they’re all in.

Yukhei remembers more the second time around—he steers clear of the punch Donghyuck makes, having heard from Mark that there’s probably at least two bottles worth of vodka in it, and actively shrinks away from it in fear when a new first year called Chenle Zhong cackles as he pours what looks to be some incredibly expensive whisky to the scarily pink concoction. He sticks to bottled drinks and cans, and then stops drinking when the world goes hazy but before he loses all sense of inhibition, the Great Headache of 2019 in the front of Yukhei’s mind when Dejun pouts at him for refusing another beer.

His friends don’t have any of the same sort of reservations, however. He loses track of Dejun and Hendery pretty early on in the night, and Yukhei has no interest in finding them, lest he has another he gets another eyeful of his best friends’ privates. He sees Yuqi in passing, who gives him a big hug and introduces him to her new girlfriend, Soyeon—who looks at him like she wants to squash him under her foot like a bug, before she smiles. He’s both terrified and approving. The last he sees of Mark, Mark is dancing on the dancefloor, sloppy but also _scarily good_.

The energy around him is frenetic, but Yukhei feels mellow, happy to lean against the wall and take it all in, and enjoy it from the sidelines. When the couch opens up for him, the couple who’d been making out there moving on, he slides into it with a sigh, unfazed by the booming music around him.

Renjun finds him there not too long after, and stumbles into his lap.

“Yuk _heeeeiiiii._ ” Renjun mumbles into the column of Yukhei’s throat. If Yukhei had been any more drunk, he probably would’ve dropped him. Instead, he slings a steadying arm around Renjun’s waist, and shifts to allow his roommate to get settled. Renjun curls up a little bit, and Yukhei can feel rather than hear him humming.

“How much have you had to drink, Junnie?” Yukhei asks, having to lean in close just so Renjun can hear him.

“A lot,” Renjun slurs. “Someone dared me to try the punch. I’m no weak bitch.”

“You fucked up,” Yukhei replies.

“Mmm.”

Renjun starts squirming out of nowhere, and he starts moving around, trying to settle on Yukhei’s lap. He gets worryingly close to Yukhei’s crotch, and Yukhei’s straight, but he’s also pretty tipsy and something of a horny drunk, so he tightens his grip and says, “Hey, you gotta ease up a little.”

“Why?” Renjun’s voice is teasing, borderline flirty, but Yukhei doesn’t think too much of it. It’s easy to fall into banter with Renjun that sometimes causes Hendery to waggle his eyebrows at Yukhei, but it’s just an elaborate joke, an ease that comes with having lived with each other for a year.

“I am a virile young man, and I am easily set off,” Yukhei responds, and Renjun laughs loudly at that, kicking his legs.

When Renjun settles, he leans his head back so his lips are close to Yukhei’s ear. “Don’t worry,” Renjun murmurs, “I won’t tell anyone if you have a boner.”

Yukhei and Renjun somehow fall asleep there, only waking up when Jaehyun politely asks them to leave in the early hours of the morning.

And if Yukhei _did_ end up with a boner because Renjun’s a squirmy little bastard? That’s no one’s business but theirs, a secret to take to the grave.

* * *

It all comes to a head just before mid-semester break, when Yukhei is sleeping three hours a night minimum because all of his subjects have decided to have a presentation due that week. Yukhei, by virtue of being an anthropology major and self-aware that anthropology students are either super chill with huge brains or they’re pretentious as fuck, has been pretty unlucky with his group members, and he’s at the end of his rope.

On top of that, things have been a little weird between him and Renjun since the Yangyang Thing. Which is, you know, fair. Yukhei only has himself to blame about that.

Sometimes, though, when he’s on the edge of sleep, or when the articles he’s reading no longer make sense, he stares at the wall that separates his bedroom from Renjun’s, and thinks about what Renjun might be up to. He hasn’t been informed that Renjun’s had any guests lately, but Renjun’s been out more. Is it just stress relief or his roommate really horny? And then his gut _churns_ , and really, it shouldn’t be bothering him that Renjun is getting all this dick in Week 6—lord knows Yukhei wouldn’t be this stressed if he was getting laid. But it scares him, how sick it makes him.

“Pull it together, Yukhei,” he finds himself muttering on the regular. “This isn’t Renjun’s problem. It’s you being fucked up.”

Anyways, at this point when Yukhei opens his front door—or any door, for that matter—you think he’d be ready to be an accidental voyeur by now. But after a fairly heated argument with some white girl who didn’t understand how to stop making generalisations about the political relationships and complicated history between Asian countries, Yukhei just kind of wants to stew in his anger alone, and maybe ask Renjun to make him some tea. He doesn’t expect to see Jeno Lee tying up and adjusting his sweatpants, face flushed and trying to even out his breathing.

“What the fuck,” Yukhei mumbles under his breath, too drained to say anything else.

As soon as Yukhei walks in, Jeno shoots him an eye smile so innocent, Yukhei’s convinced for at least two seconds that Jeno was teaching some sort of Zumba class in their living room.

That is until Renjun comes out of the bathroom wearing a hoodie that is clearly Jeno’s, and no pants. Yukhei sees the pair of shorts on the cushion next to Jeno, and the Zumba Class illusion his mind has come up with to protect himself shatters.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Yukhei says, to no one in particular. “If you’re gonna fuck, can you _please_ keep it to Renjun’s room? I have to sit on that couch.”

It’s all Yukhei can do to get into his room and sit on his bed, the little bin by his desk perched on his lap, praying he doesn’t throw up his lunch. It was expensive.

This time, when Renjun knocks on the door, Yukhei quickly strips out of his clothes and hops into bed. When Renjun cracks the door open, curious, Yukhei hides his face and makes sure he breathes deeply and slowly. He hears the door shut.

* * *

**kidz bop??? UNDERRATED**

**DJ Xiao**

Hey losers

@Mark Lee @Yukhei Wong

You better have not forgotten it’s dinner at mine and Heng’s tonight

**Yukhei Wong**

I can’t, I’m sick

I’m feeling really pukey

**Hendery Wong**

Holy fuck Dejun’s psychic

He totally cooked broth tonight….

My man’s mind…. Smexy

**Yukhei Wong**

.

Pass

**DJ Xiao**

Yuk u already promised!!!!

And Mark’s coming, aren’t you Mark??

@Mark Lee

**Mark Lee**

AAAAAA sorry for the slow reply

My music performance lecturer is going OFF abt some software

Look I might be late, this dude is literally about to pop a vessel hahaha

Worried we might have to stay back if he makes himself sick

**Hendery Wong**

Oh damn???

**Mark Lee**

Yeah he’s literally the worst haha

**DJ Xiao**

See Yukhei? Even Mark’s coming

And Mark might have to send his lecturer to hospital

**Yukhei Wong**

And what if I needed to go to hospital???

**DJ Xiao**

Heng’ll drive you to the ER promise <3

**Yukhei Wong**

I really don’t have a choice huh

**Hendery Wong**

Lmao dumbass what made you think that

I’m coming to pick you up

Dejun really made soup just for you and I wanted bbq pork bitch

**Yukhei Wong**

Ugh fineeeee

**Mark Lee**

I’ll see you guys later!!

@Yukhei Wong don’t die you’re so sexy haha

* * *

Even though Yukhei would lay down his life for Dejun’s broth, he doesn’t want to leave the house. He doesn’t want to leave his _room_. He has a feeling that Renjun’s gonna wanna talk about this, and he doesn’t really know if he’s up for it. He doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do, what he’s supposed to _say_.

When he’s dressed in the clothes he’d just taken off, Yukhei quietly opens his bedroom door. He can meet Hendery outside, it’s fine. But his door squeaks, and Yukhei curses the fact he hasn’t found a way to make it _stop doing that_ , because a familiar figure shoots up from the couch, and stares with him with wide eyes.

“Yukhei, I’m sor—”

“It’s fine,” Yukhei says, short. “Sorry for overreacting.”

“But I broke a—”

“ _Renjun,_ ” Yukhei says, and he regrets the venom in it as soon as it’s out of his mouth.

Renjun’s eyes narrow, apology clearly forgotten. _Good,_ an awful part of Yukhei thinks. _Apologies don’t mean much if the next time I walk through the door I’ll catch him in the act_.

“Why are you in such a shitty mood?” Renjun asks. “Besides what you just saw—which wasn’t anything bad, by the way. You’re _pissed_ , not embarrassed.”

Yukhei likes to think that he’s not a stupid kind of guy. He can read the room pretty well on a good day. But his gut is still churning, and he doesn’t really know _why_ , and he has to face his friends at dinner and pretend everything is normal in fifteen minutes, and he’s tired. So he says, “Can you blame me? In the last six weeks, I’ve nearly caught you in the act _three times_!”

“Are you trying to call me some sort of—”

“Renjun, I do not give a shit how much dick you’re getting.” Somewhere deep, deep, deep inside of him, says ‘ _liar’_ , but he ignores it. “I don’t give a shit how many people that entails. I’m just asking you to be more discreet about it.”

“Why?” Renjun asks, voice sharp. “Because it’s shameful?”

“No!”

“You and Yuqi hang out on the couch all the time,” Renjun says, and Yukhei’s jaw drops. “You think I don’t know what you’re up to? Don’t be a fucking hypocrite. How is it any different?”

“First of all, Yuqi and I don’t sleep with each other anymore, and we haven’t for _months_. She’s with Soyeon now, I’d never—and _also_ , we were never doing anything on the couch. I didn’t want to have to pay for steam cleaning—“

“If you wanted me to steam clean the fucking couch I would’ve, but I know it’s not just that.” There’s a blazing look in Renjun’s eyes, and it’s kind of scary. “You sleep with a girl and she’s allowed in the apartment and she gets to hang out and it’s _fine_. I bring some guys over and you see them for thirty seconds and you’re _upset_?”

“It’s not like that, it’s just—”

Renjun raises an eyebrow, but Yukhei doesn’t finish the thought. He doesn’t really know what it’s like. Yukhei could argue what he and Yuqi had was different—they’re friends now, friends who used to hook up, but they don’t anymore, and there’s something different about and the guys that Renjun’s been with—but it’s gonna come out either slut-shamey or homophobic, and Yukhei’s not going there, so he stays silent.

Renjun shakes his head. He almost looks disappointed. “So if I slept with Jeno again, you’d be okay with it as long as I was doing it at his place and not ours, right?”

For a moment, all Yukhei can see is Renjun walking out of the bathroom in Jeno’s hoodie, as Jeno fixes up his pants, straightens out his shirt after _whatever_ happened on the couch. His stomach clenches. But he shakes his head. “Look, it’s none of my business what you do at someone else’s place,” he says finally. “Or even what you do here. But I’m just asking you to be a little more considerate.”

“Fine,” Renjun says, squaring his shoulders. “Next time someone offers you an apology, don’t pretend you’re all fine, yeah? I’d rather you tell me I fucked up like an adult than be a whiny brat about it.”

Yukhei watches as Renjun storms towards their door, yanking it open. What neither of them expect is Hendery to be standing there, jumping back as if he had his ear to the door, trying to eavesdrop. Yukhei knows for a fact Hendery probably _was_ eavesdropping, and Renjun pushes past him as he walks off.

Something in Yukhei collapses as he takes in Hendery’s wide eyes. Whatever Hendery heard, he’s clearly not in Yukhei’s corner for this one. “Heng, I’m gonna need your help.”

* * *

Hendery doesn’t breathe a word about what he did or didn’t hear through the door as he drives them to his apartment. He’s pouting a little, though, which makes Yukhei worry if Hendery will ask about what Renjun had said—but if Yukhei’s gonna need his friends’ help, he’s also has to be honest about what he’s feeling about Renjun and his hook-ups, and having to tell his best, very gay, friends that he’s been acting pretty homophobic is terrifying.

When they get to the door, Hendery turns around and says, “Do you want to wait for Mark to get here, or is this a golden trio kind of thing?”

It’s nice of Hendery to ask. Mark is one of Yukhei’s best friends, and a breath of fresh air, since Mark means that Yukhei doesn’t always have to third-wheel Hendery and Dejun like he’s done mostly his whole life, but Hendery and Dejun _have_ known him almost his whole life, and have an insight on him that others don’t. Considering Mark is arguably straighter than Yukhei, though, it would be nice to have him here, though. Just in case.

“I’ll wait,” Yukhei says. “Like you wouldn’t have provided a running commentary on your private Twitter and in our group chat for prosperity—”

“Just let me _have_ this, Yukhei!” Hendery protests. “I’m tired of hearing shit about Mark’s shitty love life! Now that you have roommate drama, it’s time to switch it up!”

“Mark’s _what_?” Yukhei asks, because _that’s_ not something he’s heard about. Plus Mark has like, three jobs, a bunch of extracurriculars _and_ studies a full load. He doesn’t have time to be hooking up with anyone, let alone be _pining_. It’s worrying for Yukhei that his love life has been so boring when all he does is write essays and denounce capitalism and Mark’s a slave to the aforementioned system.

“You didn’t know?” Hendery snorts. “Mark hooked up with Donghyuck Lee at the party at the start of the year and he’s literally stopped thirsting over every hot person he sees and he keeps talking about how fluffy Donghyuck’s hair is but he’s too chickenshit to like. Ask him out. Ugh.”

Hendery opens the front door, but Yukhei doesn’t enter. “Wait, fucking _pause_ ,” Yukhei says, closing his eyes and trying to process this information. “Mark’s _gay_?”

“No, of course not, dumbass,” Hendery says with a frown. “Mark’s bi.”

“What?!”

“How is it that he’s known you longer and you didn’t know how much he thirsted over Daniel _and_ Mina Kang last year? Like, was he just into like Kangs, or was that some weird coincidence?”

When Yukhei doesn’t reply, Hendery slowly shakes his head. “Sweet baby Jesus, Yuk. You are _so_ obtuse for someone who’s gonna save the world one day.”

“Were Daniel and Mina Kang related?”

“No, thank fuck,” Hendery says. “Mark’s a horny motherfucker, but he’s not a complete wackadoodle.”

“How did I not know that he _hooked_ _up_ with Donghyuck Lee? I mean I think I might’ve saw him dancing with someone—”

“It was Donghyuck. Plus, I heard you and Renjun fell asleep on the couch together.” Hendery opens the door wider and ushers Yukhei in. “You’ve got a lot of explaining to do, buddy.”

“I thought we were waiting for Mark.”

“Okay, I fucking lied. I’m a messy bitch who wants drama and we _know_ Mark’s probably not gonna be late, he’s just Canadian and overly polite.”

“Babe, is that you?” A voice calls down the hall. “Yuk?”

“Yeah, it’s us,” Hendery says, as they toe off their shoes.

“Come quickly, the broth’s ready! It might make Yukhei feel better!”

“Coming!” Hendery calls, already pushing Yukhei down the hall.

”Is Mark going to be okay with me knowing he’s bi?” Yukhei asks, once they’re halfway to the kitchen. “Like, you didn’t out him or—?”

“Dude, Mark really doesn’t hide it,” Hendery says. “I asked him if he was like, a year ago, and he just went, ‘Yeah, hahaha, it’s not like I hide it.’”

“Did he really say ‘hahaha’ like that?”

“More or less.”

When they both make it into the kitchen, Dejun is pulling the pot from the rice cooker and sitting it on the bench. Not only is there a pot of broth bubbling away on the stove, but there are a bunch of take out containers on the table, lids off and steaming. Dejun and Hendery really did go all out tonight. He feels bad for forgetting, and for snapping at Renjun. He wishes he could enjoy this.

“Hey, Yuk,” Dejun says, not even looking up at him. “The broth’s nearly ready. How are you feeling now?”

“It’s all in his head,” Hendery interjects. “He’s been having roommate problems.”

Dejun gasps. “With Renjun? But he’s the best!”

“I think Yukhei’s jealous that Renjun’s getting laid and he isn’t,” Hendery says. “I overheard some of their argument.”

“You were arguing before you got here? Is that why you were sick?”

“Sort of.” Yukhei looks down. He’s so fucking _tired_ of his stomach churning.

“Oh?” Hendery says, suddenly looking incredibly interested. “What—?”

Their phones all vibrate at once—Dejun’s the loudest, since he’s left it on the bench. “Oh, Mark’s here,” he says, happily. “Heng, open the door for him and do it quickly so we can hear about Yukhei’s problems!”

He sounds a little too excited about that.

“Jun, it’s—it’s not good,” he says, twisting his hands into his shirt. “I think I’ve done something bad. I’m scared people will hate me for it.”

“It can’t have been _that_ bad,” Dejun says, reaching out for Yukhei’s arm, but Yukhei merely shakes his head.

Before Dejun can say anything else, however, a familiar voice echoes down the hallway. “What do you mean, Yukhei thought I was straight?”

Mark appears a few moments later, eyes wide. “Dude, is this true? You didn’t know I was bi? Hendery just told me.”

Mark looks just as shocked as Yukhei feels. “Dude, you literally look like the straightest guy _ever_.”

“I literally kissed you at that slam poetry event!”

“Kissing homies isn’t gay!”

“I mean, this is true,” Mark says, acquiescing, and ignoring Dejun and Hendery’s scandalous expressions. “But I’m gonna be real here, if you’d asked me to, I totally would’ve climbed you like a tree, bro.”

Yukhei is still too shocked to be as flattered as he should be by that, and he merely shakes his head. “Jesus, I didn’t know.”

 _“How?”_ Hendery asks.

“Let’s not overwhelm Yukhei,” Dejun says, his knight in a polka-dot patterned apron. “Let’s go sit down and eat, okay? We need to help Yukhei with whatever happened with Renjun.”

Mark’s eyes widen. “Isn’t Renjun like the best roommate ever?”

“Yeah.” Yukhei says, taking a seat and shrinking into himself.

Because that’s kind of the problem, isn’t it? While Yukhei’s been weird and gross with whoever Renjun’s brought home, Renjun has been making him expensive tea and checking in on him. Yukhei’s been so off-kilter by recent events he hasn’t made sure if Renjun’s coping with the new semester well. Maybe all these boys Yukhei is so disgusted by are a means of coping. He doesn’t know. He hasn’t asked.

“Yukhei?”

“I’m a horrible person,” Yukhei says, head pressing against the table. “I’m a really, fucking horrible person.”

It’s like opening the floodgates. He doesn’t leave anything out—he starts at the beginning, with Jaemin and Renjun kissing on the couch, to Yangyang not realising that Yukhei was Renjun’s roommate (“Yangyang knows _Renjun_?” Hendery asks, and apparently that’s a mystery they’ll never have answers for), Jeno’s flushed cheeks and the shorts strewn on the couch. He talks about the churning in his gut, how it’s almost a constant thing these days, and how the only conclusion he can make is that he must me homophobic, right, because Renjun’s right—why would he be so mad about Renjun’s guests when Renjun had been so accepting of Yuqi when she used to come over?

“I don’t know what to do,” Yukhei concludes, panicked and a little out of breath. “Like, do I have to move out? I just don’t wanna hurt him. God, I’ve already been enough of an asshole, I know it. He—when he moved in he was so scared I’d be a homophobe— _God_ , he’s probably right about me—”

His shoulders are almost touching his ears, and he’s afraid to look up at his friends, terrified they’re going to kick him out. So when Yukhei hears a muffled snort, it’s enough that his head shoots up, confused.

Dejun hits Hendery roughly on the shoulder, shooting him a glare. If anything, it just sets Hendery off—he starts _guffawing_ into his hand, leaning heavily against the table.

“Kunhang, if you don’t shut the fuck up—“ Dejun starts, using Hendery’s Chinese name, but when Dejun looks over at Yukhei, Yukhei realises that there’s a small, fond smile on his face.

“What’s so funny?” Yukhei asks. “I literally just told you I think I’m homophobic, and—”

Hendery falls to the ground, shaking with laughter now, and frustration curls through Yukhei, because it isn’t funny, and it’s not a joke. His fists curl reflexively.

“Hey, dude,” Mark says, placing a hand on Yukhei’s shoulders, “Hey. It’s okay. You’re fine.”

“No, I’m _not_!” Yukhei insists. “I’m a piece of garbage—”

Dejun sighs, still nudging a laughing Hendery with his foot. “I mean, you have been to Renjun,” Dejun concedes, and Yukhei’s heart plummets into his stomach, “But Yukhei, that doesn’t mean you’re a _homophobe_. Homophobes don’t punch the shit out of other homophobes and proudly get suspended.”

“You nearly freaked out thinking I outed Mark,” Hendery chokes out, finally beginning to sober up. “ _Mark_.”

“I didn’t know he was bi, he never told me,” Yukhei says defensively. “What if he didn’t want me to know?”

Mark rubs his shoulder comfortingly. “Dude, that’s so sweet,” he says. “ _You’re_ sweet. A little oblivious, though, because _dude_ , I’ve literally talked to you about hot guys I’d been thirsting on, and I’m surprised you didn’t notice. Like, I thought _I_ was bad—”

“Mark.”

“Shutting up.”

“Then if I’m not a homophobe, _why_ am I being so weird about it?” Yukhei asks, miserable. It’s a relief to know that friends don’t think he’s not homophobic, but now he’s back at square one. “I’ve never had a problem with boys making out with boys before until Renjun. What’s so different? I want him to be happy and to get laid if that’s what he wants, so _why_?”

Dejun and Mark exchange a look that Yukhei can’t decipher. Hendery, sitting up on his knees, rests his head on the table.

“Yukhei, my dude,” Hendery says, wiping at his teary eyes, “When you were sleeping with Yuqi and she ditched you to hangout with Yanan when you were meant to have that _Fast and Furious_ marathon you’d been planning for weeks, how did you feel?”

“What’s that got to do—?”

“Just answer my question,” Hendery says firmly.

Yukhei thinks back to it. That was over a year and a half ago, a couple months after he and Yuqi had first met. After they’d slept together the first time, after the Chinese Students Association bar night, they’d promised to keep it casual, only two or three weeks of university under their belts and with a hope of trying to keep their options open.

Yukhei had been fine with it, and he’s grateful it had never progressed to anything more than that, because Yuqi is a good friend—even though he hasn’t seen much of her for the last couple of months because she’s been on exchange and too busy trying to woo Soyeon. But there had been a time, early on their relationship, that Yukhei had silently hoped that maybe something more could have resulted. Yuqi’s a great girl, and there could be worse things than ending up with Yuqi. And when she’d hung out with Yanan—

“It made me angry,” Yukhei replies, crossing his arms across his chest, needing them to hold himself together. “We’d been planning it for so long, and we always wanted to do something like that, and it was the highlight of my semester, that marathon. And she blew me off with no prior notice. She felt bad about it, and she apologised heaps, but I guess that’s when I knew that I wasn’t always going to be Yuqi’s number one choice for things. And like, it was fine, because I was prepared for it, but it still sucked. For a little while—”

He cuts off, his eyes wide. Mark is frowning, but Hendery and Dejun are grinning. They probably know what he was about to say: _For a little while, I kind of felt sick around Yuqi_. Because he’d been worried that Yuqi would have noticed his budding feelings for her. Feelings he was determined to keep trampled.

“No,” Yukhei says, shaking his head frantically. “No way. It’s not like that—I’m not—”

“You’re not anything you’re not ready to be,” Dejun says calmly, slipping into the seat next to him and holding his hand. “But Yukhei, I say this with love. The way you’re talking about Renjun? It’s _very_ gay.”

Yukhei isn’t sure if it’s his friends that fall silent or if Yukhei becomes the living embodiment of no thoughts, head empty. Because that’s what it feels like—his brain has shut down, because when he decided on telling his friends about his problems, he hadn’t been expecting _this_ sort of conclusion.

“But I don’t think of Renjun like that,” Yukhei says weakly.

“Are you _sure_ , dude?” Mark asks, head tilted. “Because—no offence, you two,” he says, glancing over at Dejun and Hendery, “But I have _major_ experience on the pining and thirsting experience, and the fact you kept talking about thinking about Renjun making out with all these people and _maybe_ sleeping with Jeno Lee—which is honestly impressive, Jeno Lee is _so_ cute-hot—and the fact you’re so upset about it although you had to live with Kun and Ten for a year and they would’ve probably fucked with you in the room if they could’ve gotten away with it, suggests that you’re just salty Renjun wasn’t making out with _you_.”

“It could just be because I haven’t gotten laid,” Yukhei offers up.

“Okay, I’m gonna give you some advice that I didn’t get until I was at least eighteen—if you’re interested in your friend’s dick game, that’s kinda gay.”

They all stare at Mark for a moment, before Hendery says, “I know that Yukhei’s having a sexuality crisis, but humour me. How did you figure that out?”

Mark shrugs. “I was like, super curious, and then he was like, ‘I can show you?’ and I was like, ‘Oh sweet!’ and I didn’t realise he meant _showing_ me, but when I figured out what he meant I realised I was, like, totally here for it. That was my bi awakening, basically.”

“Christ, I can’t fucking stand you.”

Mark laughs, shaking his head. “Yeah, I get that a lot. Hyuck’s always saying that to me.”

 _“Hyuck?!”_ Dejun takes a deep breath, closes his eyes and raises a hand. “Wait. Don’t elaborate. Yukhei’s still going through a crisis. I have so many questions, but now’s not the time.”

“ _Anyways_ ,” Hendery says, still looking over at Mark, “He’s right, Yukhei. It just sounds like you have a massive crush on Renjun. We’ve all been there.”

There’s a buzzing in Yukhei’s ears, as his brain struggles to comprehend what his friends are saying. “What, have massive crushes on Renjun?”

“No, dumbass.”

“Yukhei, you know it’s not that.”

“Uh—”

“ _Mark_.”

“What! Renjun has really nice fingers!”

“He does,” Yukhei says automatically. And then realises what he’s said.

And it’s true—Renjun really has nice fingers. Nice hands. Good for surgery, he thinks dimly, although Renjun’s not sure if he wants to be a surgeon yet. He’s deft and gentle and he’d be good at it, if that’s what he chooses. But something about Mark’s statement irritates him—there’s more about Renjun to like than just his _fingers_ , although Mark’s basically confirmed his brain has been in the gutter for years at this point. But Renjun’s always been thoughtful and kind, the perfect roommate. Renjun asks Yukhei about his day, makes him tea, humours his weird rants and the way he analyses random movies—

But Renjun’s weird in his own way. He falls asleep at their kitchen table a lot, and he makes little huffing noises in his sleep, and _he_ rants about how animation is the best film genre ever produced and how live-action Disney movies are an insult to their predecessors. He also watches a lot of surgical videos without headphones and shows them off to Yukhei, although he _knows_ Yukhei is a little queasy, and is an avid fan of Dr Pimple Popper.

He’s not lying when he says he’s never thought of Renjun as anything other than a friend, his roommate, the best roommate, although Kun made the best meals. There’s a quiet warmth to Renjun, despite his workload, that Yukhei enjoys being around. But if he’s not a homophobe, and he’s only shitty about Renjun, it’s worth trying to figure out if he’s attracted to Renjun. For science.

So his mind goes back to that first day, and thinks about how Renjun had entered his room to apologise, having clearly straightened out his shirt and smoothing out his hair. His lips had given him away; they’d been pink and swollen, and he’d licked them nervously as Yukhei tried to come to grips with his disgust, his panic.

They’d been shiny when Renjun had walked in, Yukhei remembers. It hadn’t been gloss—they’d been spit-slicked, Yukhei realises. Like someone—Jaemin—had pulled him in for a kiss before he’d left, before Renjun went to see what was going on with his weirdo roommate.

Even now, the thought of catching Jaemin and Renjun making out on the couch still makes him feel queasy. It’s been weeks, and the details are still vivid, even though Yukhei’s spent so much energy trying to repress them. He remembers opening the door, and the way Renjun had looked at him, standing in the door, still kissing Jaemin, before pulling back, eyes wide and gasping, licking his lips when Yukhei had hightailed it out of there.

His brain seizes, and he thinks about Renjun’s lips—pink, swollen, _pretty_ —and the churning in his gut spreads into his lungs, and his heart, and his whole body starts _buzzing_.

With frightening clarity, Yukhei realises his infamous gut churning isn’t disgust. It’s want.

“Oh, fuck me,” Yukhei says, hands trembling and eyes shut. He’s scared of opening them. His heart’s pounding so fucking _loud_ , and now that the mental barrier seems to be removed, his brain has gone completely feral, imagining pulling Renjun into a kiss, of being able to leave not one but numerous marks on Renjun’s neck, of being the guy on the couch, _their couch—_

“Sorry, dude, that window has passed,” Mark’s voice says, and despite his protests when Hendery and Dejun hit him, squawking to stop thinking with his dick, it stops Yukhei’s brain from having a Nervous Horny Breakdown at the dinner table and try to regain some semblance of dignity.

“Yukhei? How are you doing, man?” Dejun asks, peering at him.

“Uh,” Yukhei says eloquently.

His brain is still freaking out, and his heart is racing and he feels like he’s not completely in control of his body right now. If Yukhei thought his world had been completely knocked off-kilter, that’s _nothing_ to how he feels right now.

“Yukhei Wong,” Hendery says, eyes twinkling, “Welcome to your gay awakening.”

* * *

Renjun isn’t waiting for him when Yukhei stumbles through the front door, after probably the most intense dinner of his life. He’s had a couple of beers to settle his nerves, terrified of going home and revealing all of the new information he’s received and acting like a total fool.

Yukhei doesn’t see much of Renjun for the next week. It’s both a good and bad thing—good, because Yukhei has school stuff he has to work on, and if he sees Renjun in the flesh he’s going to stop thinking about his important major essay that he _really_ needs to get on with if he wants to keep his 4.0 GPA; but bad, because he misses Renjun, and he’s terrified that if he doesn’t get the opportunity to apologise soon, he’s going to lose the chance. And despite the fact thirsting over Renjun was a fairly scary realisation, he _does_ like Renjun, and he wants to see where it could go.

But he needs to make it up to him first.

When Yukhei submits his major essay, he feels lighter than he’s felt in weeks. He’s still got a lot of stuff to do, but now he has a little window of time to start coming up with a plan for Operation Grovel For Renjun’s Forgiveness, and he’s keen to get started.

What he doesn’t expect is for Renjun to be sitting on the couch when Yukhei comes in, cross-legged, with a cup of tea on the coffee table, sketching on his iPad. He looks up when Yukhei comes in, eyes wide behind his glasses.

Renjun’s so pretty. He’s dressed down—Yukhei’s not sure if he went to class today or not—he looks soft and relaxed in a way he hasn’t in a while. But even now, Yukhei sees Renjun’s guard build up as Yukhei stays silent, probably afraid Yukhei’s gonna chew him up for no reason again.

“Hey,” Yukhei says, rubbing the back of his neck. He expected it to be awkward, but it _sucks_ , how wary Renjun is of him.

Renjun pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “Hey. How was class?”

“Ah, I didn’t go today. I was just finishing an essay now.”

“Oh, cool. Congratulations. Does that mean the worst of the semester is over?”

“I’ve got two more essays to go, but that’s pretty much nothing now. You?”

“I finished my last presentation yesterday. So it’s just exams left.”

“Nice!”

Renjun stares at Yukhei funny, so Yukhei clears his throat, quickly toeing off his shoes.

“Hey, Renjun—”

“Yukhei, I—”

They stare at each other for a few moments, before Yukhei says, “Is it okay if I go first?”

When Renjun nods, Yukhei takes cautious steps into their apartment, sitting on the other end of their couch. “I’m so fucking sorry, Renjun,” he says. “I was a total asshole and I know it seems dumb because I _did_ —but I didn’t mean to hurt you. I really mean that. There was nothing wrong with what you were doing, and I was just being a total dickhead about it.”

“It’s alright. Okay, it’s not,” Renjun says, when Yukhei raises his eyebrows. “You were being a dick, yeah, but I had pushed the boundaries a few times. And I’m sorry for bringing up Yuqi. She was always super nice to me, and I never did catch you doing anything—I just. I’m sorry, too.”

“I was a hypocrite and you were right to say it,” Yukhei replies. “Are we good?”

Renjun smiles—it’s small, and a little shy, but it’s a smile, the first Yukhei’s been privy to since his Big Gay Awakening, and something inside him keels over and dies because Renjun is _so_ fucking cute, and God, he really _is_ oblivious, isn’t he? “Yeah. We’re good. Do you wanna watch a movie?”

“I’ve finally got some free time, so hell yeah,” Yukhei says. “You pick.”

They end up settling on a Disney live-action movie marathon, and despite Yukhei’s underlying nerves being so close to Renjun, it’s just like any of their regular movie marathons. They make comments when the movie they’re watching does something interesting (rarely after the _Cinderella_ remake) or when they make a farce of the original material (which is often).

They decide to finish on the _Beauty and the Beast_ remake, because Renjun pisses himself laughing when the Prince growls at Belle, and says, “I can’t watch anymore of this shit, and I think we should finish this on a high, don’t you?”

“Sure,” Yukhei says, although his heart is in his throat and he wouldn’t mind watching five more movies and falling asleep tucked up next to Renjun on their couch.

They movie credits play as Yukhei cleans up all their snacks and Renjun reaches up to stretch out his back. His hoodie rides up a little, showing a sliver of skin, and now that Yukhei knows that he’s like, Definitely Not Straight, he hurries out of the room, gut clenching but not churning, and tells himself not to be weird about it.

Clearly, he doesn’t do a good enough job, because when he gets back into the room, Renjun’s watching him with a guarded expression. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Yukhei says. It’s not _entirely_ true, but at least Yukhei knows _why_ this time.

Renjun swings his arms as Yukhei turns off their TV, stifling a yawn. He can feel Renjun staring at him as he putters around their lounge room, trying to keep himself busy, because he feels like he’s on the precipice of _something_. And he’s still not sure if it’s a good idea to fuck everything up so soon after he’s made amends.

“Yukhei?”

“Hm?” Yukhei turns his head. Renjun’s burying himself further into his hoodie, pulling up his sleeves so he’s got sweater paws, and he’s biting his lip. What the _fuck_.

“I have something I need to tell you.”

Yukhei is still processing how adorable Renjun is, but the look on his roommate’s face is pretty serious, so he sits himself back down on the couch, and pats the spot next to him. Renjun sits without too much protest, but Yukhei hears the shaky exhale of breath. “Hey. What’s up?”

“Look, I don’t want to make anything weird, but I’ve got to get this out there, otherwise it’s gonna keep eating at me, so—” Renjun takes a deep breath, and squares his shoulders. Yukhei tenses.

“I like you. Romantically. I think I’ve liked you for a while, but after that party at Donghyuck and Jaehyun’s, it became kind of hard for me to ignore. I’m trying to get over you, that’s why there were so many guys over. It was supposed to be just Jaemin, but the minute after you caught us he figured out what was going on.”

Yukhei’s jaw drops and for a few moments, all he can do is stare at Renjun’s tense jaw and scramble for some sort of understanding while his brain feels like a void.

“I just wanted to tell you, just to get it off my chest. I’m not expecting anything,” Renjun says, and he sounds _worried_ , like Yukhei is gonna throw him out on the street or something. The idea of it is so ludicrous—“Yukhei, are you _laughing_?”

Renjun sounds hurt, and it’s for that reason alone that Yukhei manages to reign his giggles in. He suddenly understands why Hendery couldn’t stop laughing whenever Yukhei said something that made him seem like an ‘oblivious gay’, as Dejun had put it. “Sorry, I’m not laughing at _you_ ,” Yukhei quickly says. He allows himself to reach for Renjun’s hand, ignoring his flinch to lace their fingers together. “I just—God. I don’t think you’ve realised how jealous I’ve been the last few weeks.”

“Why?” It hasn’t clicked yet, Yukhei can tell. Renjun frowns, still looking a little confused, and Yukhei feels bad for drawing it out like he has. “Of me bringing guys home? You’re literally one of the most attractive people I’ve ever met, I doubt you have problems getting with girls—”

“No, not that kind of jealous,” Yukhei says. He squeezes Renjun’s hand, and tries to summon his own courage. It’s the least he can do, since Renjun’s been so brave. “I—The night we fought, I talked to my friends about what was happening. They started laughing at me and they told me that it was obvious that I, uh. Had a crush on you. I was jealous of all the guys you kept bringing home.”

“You have a crush on me,” Renjun repeats flatly.

“Look, it was a surprise to me too,” Yukhei admits. “I’m okay with it now, but Mark swore I was, like, catatonic for a good fifteen minutes. But it was _so_ much better than what I thought was going on. Honestly, it was kind of a relief. I really thought I was a homophobe for feeling so sick about the whole thing.”

“But you were just jealous.”

“Yeah.”

Renjun starts laughing now too, shaking his head. “I never took you as the jealous type,” he says. “I can’t believe you thought you were _homophobic_. I thought you were stressed because of school, or you didn’t like Jeno or something. Yukhei, you were literally the best ally I know.”

“I _didn’t_ like Jeno,” Yukhei says. “I mean, I’m sure he’s a great guy, but you guys had _clearly_ just had sexy times when I walked in—also, wait. What do you mean, ‘ _were_ ’?”

Renjun’s cheeks are red, but he laughs as he puts a hand on Yukhei’s cheek, and Yukhei’s _sure_ his heart is about to shoot out of his chest. “I don’t know if anyone’s told you, but having a crush on me is kinda gay.”

“I’ve been informed, yes.”

Renjun starts laughing again, and Yukhei can’t help but giggle, too. Renjun’s cheeks are still rosy, and Yukhei’s pulse is pounding in his ears at this point, but he’s happy. It doesn’t even seem _real_. It seems even less real when Renjun runs his thumb over his cheek bone, and his smile melts away into something more serious, more focused.

“Hey,” Renjun says, “I kinda want to kiss you. Is that okay?”

This is it, Yukhei thinks, as he nods his head quickly. The horny, uninhibited part of his brain rejoices, banshee screaming into the void, as he watches Renjun lick his lips, feels his breath fan over his face. This is how he loses his fucking mind.

Renjun stops halfway, eyes flickering from Yukhei’s lips to his eyes, and Yukhei just kind of goes fuck it, and leans in the rest of the way.

Yukhei dimly registers Renjun’s other hand cupping his jaw and pulling him closer, but most of his focus is on how soft Renjun’s lips are. He doesn’t know what he was expecting—the only point of reference Yukhei has of kissing boys is Mark, and Mark’s lips were pretty chapped at the time—but it’s nice, and the only major difference is the slight scratch of the stubble growing on Renjun’s upper lip when he angles his head a little more.

Renjun runs his tongue quickly over Yukhei’s bottom lip and Yukhei gasps, surprised but eager, but Renjun pulls back and shakes his head. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to rush it,” he says. “We should take it slow.”

Yukhei kind of wants to keep going—because although he knows Renjun’s a good kisser, he wants more proof—but he forces himself to take a deep breath to shake himself out of it as Renjun presses his forehead against his. “It’s fine,” he says. “I liked it.” But Renjun’s right—they should take it slow. They’ve got plenty of time to work it out.

When Yukhei opens his eyes, Renjun is trying to stifle a yawn.

“You need to get some sleep.”

“Hmm.” Renjun shifts a little, moving his head to nuzzle against Yukhei’s neck. “You’re so warm. Can’t I stay with you for a few more minutes?”

The thought is tempting. Renjun’s warm too, and pleased sigh that escapes his roommate after Yukhei puts an arm around his waist is potentially the best sound he’s ever heard. If he doesn’t move, he’s gonna pass out on the couch, and he doesn’t really want to wake up with a crick in his neck. But he doesn’t want to let go, either.

“Hey,” Yukhei says softly, kissing the top of Renjun’s head because he can, “If you want, we can cuddle tonight. In my bed. But only if you want.”

Renjun opens one eye blearily. “I am _so_ fucking glad you’re not straight,” is all he says, before putting his arms around Yukhei’s neck and nuzzling further.

Yukhei’s pretty glad that he’s not straight, too.

* * *

**yukhei, a baby gay: [renjun love bot noises]**

**Yukhei Wong**

he’s so fucking cute :)))))))

[2 images attached]

**Mark Lee**

bro :o

**DJ Xiao**

SJHDFLDSJHGLDKFJHGLDJFKH

i’m

this is cool. you guys are so cute

**Hendery Wong**

getting your roommate into bed huh?? sneaky

**Yukhei Wong**

IT WASN’T LIKE THAT i just wanted to cuddle :(((

**Hendery Wong**

did you kiss

**Yukhei Wong**

yeah :)

**Mark Lee**

was it everything you dreamt?

**Yukhei Wong**

10/10 was missing out by not kissing any boys earlier than last night

but it was nice that he was my first

**DJ Xiao**

:((((((((( that’s so fucking cute it’s FINE

**Mark Lee**

hey this is donghyuck, mark’s bf

i took his phone because he just started pouting

he’s complaining that he was the first boy to kiss yukhei and he doesn’t like that renjun got all the credit

lmao what an idiot

**Hendery Wong**

.

mark’s bf?

of how long :)

**Mark Lee**

our monthiversary is next week <3

**Hendery Wong**

i can’t believe that fucker he made me listen to you pine about you for months and didn’t have the audacity to tell me that you two are dating now!!!!!!

**Mark Lee**

[4 pictures attached]

sorry for your suffering! as an apology, here are some cute pics of us <3

wbk mark is an idiot ☀️

@Yukhei Wong: your bf is so cute uwu

no wonder mark had a crush on him he’s adorable

**Yukhei Wong**

thank you!! i know

i’m so happy i’m not even gonna be jealous

**DJ Xiao**

everything makes sense now.....

**Yukhei Wong**

renjun is about to wake up BYE i have to shower him with love <3333333

**Hendery Wong**

potentially bi yukhei is so fucking soft i love it!

**Author's Note:**

> Now that the fest is over, I just wanted to add some of my own personal notes:
> 
> This fic was really hard for me to write. I wrote this just after finishing my thesis, and I was writer burnt-out. The fact that I managed to finish it, and it becoming something that I was proud of at the end of it, has made me really happy. I'm so glad that people have been enjoying it, and I hope others will too. 
> 
> A lot of this fic was just me adding some of the things I really wanted to write (Anthropology Major Wong Yukhei, everyone having heart eyes for Renjun bc it's Renjun) so I was genuinely surprised I didn't get exposed earlier haha.
> 
> And finally: Off-Kilter Mark Lee is probably one of my favourite characters I've ever written. I love him, and I'm so glad others feel the same way.
> 
> Any and all feedback is appreciated! <3
> 
> [twitter](http://twitter.com/eggboyksoo)   
>  [cc](http://curiouscat.me/eggboyksoo)


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